Wednesday, March 19, 2008

I'M NOT PARANOID

For Easter, Grammie and GPS (grandpa Steve) got Sam a stuffed bunny. It's sweet and all, and Sam seems to dig it (not so much in this picture), But frankly I think this bunny is out to get me.


Perhaps its the freakish size, or maybe it's the preternatural calm that exudes from his beety little eyes. But it has me totally freaked out. This morning, I walked in to the kitchen and there he was sitting at the table, glaring at me. I swear his head followed me across the room. I think he was waiting for me to turn my back, so I just smiled and walked away, careful to keep my wits about me and an eye on his furry little homicidal paws.

Anyway, when I get to sleep tonight I have a feeling that my dreams may look something like this:




If, The Media Grab suddenly and inexplicably goes silent I ask the grab nation for the following:

1. Blame the bunny. He may have an alibi, but you know that hare-brained S.O.B was behind whatever happened.

2. Don't let him raise Sam. I don't want my son to grow up versed in rabbit tricks and ignorant of non-rabbit culture.

3. Be kind to my wife. She may have laughed at me when I told her that the bunny freaks me out, but her having to live with being dismissive about this will be tough enough as it is.

13 comments:

Ma's Meatloaf said...

Let me get this right, you have a gorgeous son, a beautiful wife, an... interesting and friendly dog, and you choose to write about a stuffed bunny? Yeah, life must be awful.

LG said...

You know what I say: "Just because you're paranoid doens't mean they're not out to get you." The bunny seemed to be enjoying the "play" fighting a little too much.

'sauce said...

I guess you would call that a Watership "Throw" Down?

Sorry, that was completely un-warren-ted.

The Media Grab does have it tough:
"No-bunny knows the troubles I've seen . . ."

My advice: if the carrot is not working - go for the stick!

GPS said...

You forgot to tell them that his name is "Steve!" ;)

ChezWhat said...

I want to say something clever about this R.O.U.S., but I just can't out-sauce 'Sauce.

'sauce said...

out-sauce 'Sauce?

Inconceivable!

Albert......Jr that is. said...

Mabye it's me, but that bunny looks familiar...Have you ever seen Pink Floyd the Wall?

http://www.mtv.com/shared/media/news/images/p/Pink_Floyd/sq-scary-mask-kids-wall.jpg
or
http://us.movies1.yimg.com/movies.yahoo.com/images/hv/allposters/67/1800365567p.jpg

The Media Grab said...

Stop screwining around I mean it!

(anybody want a peanut)


FYI i think the bunny has some iocaine powder

Albert......Jr that is. said...

Did the bunny a.k.a "Steve" ask you to drink first, same time, or offer to drink first. Very important to know because what you do not smell is among the more deadlier poisons known to man." It is odorless, tasteless, dissolves instantly in liquid.

'sauce said...

Perhaps when the rabbit is finished you'll only be mostly dead?

There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive. With all dead, well, with all dead there's usually only one thing you can do.

Go through his clothes and look for loose change.

ChezWhat said...

Damon and the bunny just need to face each other as God intended. No tricks, no weapons, skill against skill alone. Try and kill each other like civilized people.

I just hope Steve isn't Sicilian: never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!

'sauce said...

Killed by rabbits is good.

Laura said...

Okay, D, You got me. Red wine snarf. (Ouch.)

I'm betting Sam will emerge from childhood with a) a fierce yet indefatigable sense of humor, or b) serious psychological issues. Or c) both. :)