Thursday, June 11, 2009


Everyone needs a Nemesis. Ali had Frazier, Batman had the joker, Sam has the Bunny (although if you saw that boy hug that bunny, you might think that quarrel is done.) It is an undeniable fact that heroes need foils, and we never do our best unless we are pushed.

Allow me to introduce my nemesis:

This here is Sean Gargan. Sean (Or 'the gargoyle' as he will henceforth be known) might appear to be just a normal suburban dad (note loving wife, and clean, pressed linen shirt)

But what you don't know about the Gargoyle is the reason he must be stopped.
first, I have a strong suspicion that he was part of a secret government program to reverse the aging process. The gargoyle claims to be "in his 40's" but unless he has some Benjamin Button thing going, this clearly isn't the case. His kids might be graduating, but with a full head of hair, and no "suburban stomach" he is making the rest of us look bad. And if stopping freakish anti-aging mutants isn't enough of a reason to make him my nemesis, the gargoyle sings in a choir. And no one should look so jaunty in a scarf and cap.

The Gargoyle has the rest of the neighborhood fooled with his pleasant demeanor, nice kids and cool wife. But I'm not buying it. I see through his offers to help and invitations to dinner parties. Luckily I have a plan to stop him.

The Gargoyle fancies himself quite the athlete.

He "runs triathlons" and does the krispy kreme challenge, but when some mere mortal without access to whatever anti-aging serum they give him at SAS kicks his butt at an athletic endeavor, he will be forced to come clean.

It might not be the O.K corral, or Normandy beach, but the venue to vanquish the gargoyle has been chosen. On The Last Saturday in June, at the lakemont pool
the first annual lakemont biathlon will commence. Despite my well documented disdain of running I have signed up. I will run. I will swim. and I will defeat the Gargoyle


Sean said...

Oh, Circosta, it is on..
Read: my lips
Watch: your back
Eat: my dust
Wish: you hadn't thrown the "gargoyle" gauntlet

oh, mere mortal, there is, indeed, more to come... (cue the mad scientist music) "It's alive, It's alive!!!"

'sauce said...

Isn't biathlon cross-country skiing with guns? I'm just sayin' that would be worth watching - particularly in NC in July.

Anonymous said...

I think this is actually an Aquathlon - which is apparently not to be confused with an underwater wrestling competition of the same name.

MikeN said...

Did somebody say skiing and guns??? Okay, I'm a little rusty but count me IN!!!